


Things Change

by I_Need_Fangirl_Therapy



Series: Timelines Of Tragedy and Blood [1]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Abused Derek Hale, Aftermath of Torture, Alpha Laura Hale, Angst, Bullying, Canon Compliant, Canon character deaths, Cause flashbacks and panic go hand in hand, Cutting, Dead Hale family, Derek Hale Can't Have Nice Things, Derek Hale Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Derek Hale Has Panic Attacks, Derek Hale Needs a Hug, Derek Hale's Past Consent Issues with Kate Argent, Derek Has Issues, Emo werewolves, F/M, Flashbacks, Full Shift Werewolves, Hale fire, Harry Potter books, I Made Myself Cry, I broke my own heart, I ship kate with death, I'm back at it again with the angst, Kate Argent - Freeform, Learning to control, Mostly Canon Compliant, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Derek Hale/Paige, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Post Hale Fire, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Pre-Hale Fire, Self Harm, Stalling the healing process, Suicidal Derek Hale, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Wolf (TV) - Freeform, The Camaro - Freeform, The Hale Fire, The typical kate warning, Torture, Warning: Kate Argent, Werewolf Healing, Werewolves Turn Into Actual Wolves, Wolf Laura Hale, Young Derek Hale, and some extensive therapy, blatant self harm, cause we all know that's the damn truth, derek is a book nerd we all know it, full shift laura hale, glad that's a tag, harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban - Freeform, hurt/angst, i made my friends cry, i posted this instead of sleeping, past sexual assault/abuse, rape/non con, the Derek Hale timeline of tragedy, yes that's my tag okay fight me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 11:06:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16448735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Need_Fangirl_Therapy/pseuds/I_Need_Fangirl_Therapy
Summary: The Utterly Tragic Timeline Of Derek Hale.Warning: Pretty graphic self harm and assault.Read at your digression, please be safe dear readers. <3





	Things Change

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hear me out. My friend Crista and I were talking once and agreed that since guilt can stop a werewolf from healing, we figure they can learn to control whether they heal or not. And thus Emo Werewolves™ was born; and you can pry it from my cold, dead, tear-dampened hands.  
> I hope you enjoy the suffering!  
> I broke my own heart.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr under the same name!

Derek is really beginning to like this werewolf thing.

He's 6, and now all of a sudden he has the ability to heal right before his eyes.  
He first watches his skin knit back together in wonder after falling off his bike while riding with Laura.  
One minute his knee is bleeding and the next?  
Bam! Good as new!  
He whoops and gets back on his bike.

 

Derek definitely loves being a wolf.  
He's 8 and he can **_finally_** run as fast as Laura.  
Ha! In your face LaLa!  
He can hear any and every sound in the woods, he can see pretty well in the dark.  
He's got claws like The Wolverine!  
He's still working on controlling those, but god it's  _cool_.  
He's great at hide and seek, and never gets sick, unlike his little sister Dakota or his cousin Finn.  
He's strong like his dumb big sister, smart like his father, and brave like his mother, and he thinks that it can't get any better than this.

 

Derek is frankly getting rather annoyed with this werewolf thing.  
The constant need to hide the fact that he can just _heal_.  
Bandaids are uncomfortable okay? And he hasn't quite figured out how to postpone it yet. He's 11, and some boys in his class break his nose, push him down, and drop his copy of Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban into a puddle.  
"Nerd!" Shouts one.  
" _Freak!_ " Spits another.  
" _ **Pansy**_!" Declares the third. The art teacher is on recess duty and she breaks them up.  
Yelling about detentions.  
He picks up Harry Potter and wipes his eyes.  
She hurries him to the nurse and thankfully, while his nose has stopped, the scrapes on his arms are still there and bleeding when they get there.  
He silently thanks whoever is listening.

 

It's official.  
Derek hates being a werewolf.  
Paige is dead and if he wasn't a _stupid fucking werewolf_ this wouldn't have happened.  
He's 15, and wishes werewolves were nothing more than a myth.  
He's 15 and wishes he was dead too.  
Because the love of his life is gone and it's all his fault.  
Because he'll never seen her smile again, never see her eyes light up as she sasses back at him ever again.  
Because if werewolves weren't real this wouldn't have happened.  
He doesn't go to school for 2 weeks.  
Does nothing but cry, long after she's buried.

He's 15, hopeless, and really wishes werewolf healing worked on broken hearts, not just on the new, secret rows of cuts on his arms.

 

Derek's really getting the hang of this werewolf thing.  
He's 16, and things are looking up again, thank god or whoever.  
He only has trouble on the night of the full moon now.  
His friendships are stronger, he's got a cool car, he's doing okay in school again. Well, except math; but the pretty teacher's assistant is tutoring him after class in the library twice a week, so he's getting better.  
His life is getting better.  
Maybe, even after everything, he'll be alright like his mom insists.

 

Derek's conflicted about this werewolf thing.  
He's 16 and a half, and wishing he was better at controlling the healing.  
At least then he'd have proof.  
He thinks sometimes that's what he wants.  
Proof that is life is spiraling out of control.  
For a fleeting moment, life had been worth living again, he was doing better; acing math, making team captain; he was the epitome of cool, and dating the hot teacher's assistant.  
He finally believed that things would be okay, that he'd be okay.

He has never been more wrong.

 

Because things are so far from okay and he's cursing himself for not realizing that sooner.  
Cursing himself for being so _blind_.  
For being _weak_.  
_**Naive.**_  
Stupid for thinking he deserved good things after what he'd done. Stupid for thinking she actually loved him.  
Suddenly he's not the only one hurting him anymore.  
He wishes the wounds wouldn't heal right before his eyes.  
He's grateful they do.  
He's conflicted and afraid.  
And things with Kate are just getting worse.  
No matter how good he is for her, he still can't seem to do anything right.  
Even when he ignores that she meets up with him still smelling faintly of other men.  
Even when she leaves him, panicking and tied up for hours, only to come back with excuses.  
Even when she's tells him he's just a bad dog and he let's her.  
It's never enough to stop the pain.

 

Derek really wishes he wasn't a werewolf.  
At least then he wouldn't feel so pathetic, for having so much strength and not using it.  
He's 17, and just when he thought things with Kate couldn't possibly get worse.  
They do.  
No matter how much he begs her to stop.  
No matter how many times he says no. But no matter how much she hurts him.  
He doesn't use his strength.  
Doesn't hurt her back.  
He _can't_.  
He deserves this.  
She's right. He knows deep down, under the panic, that he deserves this for killing Paige.  
Deserves this for being a freak of nature.  
Deserves this for daring to think he was worthy of good things after his eyes burned blue.  
Deserves to be chained and cut open, electrocuted.  
Held down.  
Forced.  
Treated like the dirt that he is.  
She's right and he knows it.  
Even when he's not sure what he's done wrong.  
But that doesn't mean he doesn't beg her to stop with tears in his eyes.  
Even if that only makes it worse.

 

Derek is 17, and spends many of his days sneaking home, washing away blood leftover from wounds that healed in seconds.  
Telling himself he heals, that it doesn't _**matter**_.  
These days he's just trying not to shake apart too loudly on his bedroom floor after each time he sees her.  
He wants out.  
He wants her to stop.  
But he's too afraid to leave.

One day he's brave.  
He storms off, tells her he's done.  
Or, well, he tries.  
He blacks out before he reaches the door, electricity burning through him, and wakes up chained and bleeding.  
The torment is the longest she's dealt.  
No matter how much he apologizes, it doesn't end.  
It never ends.  
That night he barely makes it a mile away before he's trembling in the quiet of his car, stopped on the side of the road, arms wrapped around his knees. At least here he doesn't have to stifle his sobbing.  
When he scrubs himself red once again in the shower, it does nothing to stop the feeling of her hands on him, nothing to quiet her voice in his ears.  
Nothing to dull the phantom pain, nothing to stop him from gasping for air against the cool tiles, deep gashes on his arm bringing him no relief as he let's them bleed.

It can't get worse than this.  
It _can't._

Derek is wrong again. He's always wrong.

 

He's 17, and rushing home with Laura. They both felt it.  
Something is wrong.  
Then agony like no other is ripping through their chests.  
Then they see the flames.  
The flashing lights.  
He looks over at her through tears and smoke, and he sees her eyes flash red as she screams and cries; struggling in the arms of the police officer who stops her from running into their still burning house.  
And that's when he knows they're the only ones left.  
His family dead and it's all his fault.  
He did this and he will _never_ tell Laura; he vows to himself, as they both cry and cry.  
He can't do that to her.  
And he's too ashamed.  
Too afraid to tell her about Kate.  
He has to be strong.  
He can't let her know the nightmares that leave him screaming aren't just filled with fire.  
Can't bring himself to tell her why he's stopped being the sweet, snugly brother she once knew.  
Can't let her find out about the razor he has hidden in his desk drawer.  
Or why he shies away from contact because touch feels wrong, and hardly leaves his room in their small New York apartment.  
No matter how much she asks, no matter how concerned she looks.  
She can't know the truth.

 

Derek is beginning to be alright with the whole werewolf thing again.  
He's 21 and Laura can turn into a _wolf_ , just like their mom.  
She's beautiful and free, racing him through the upstate woods, a blur of brown.  
Things are finally easier.  
His father's leather jacket finally fits.  
Well,  _mostly_ fits.  
They finished school, Laura went to Harvard.  
He works at the local bookstore.  
Their nightmares have lessened over the years. The pain has faded.  
Secret razor blades long thrown away.  
Laura tells him they'll be okay, and he almost believes her.  
Almost.

 

He's nearing 22 and Laura hasn't checked in for 4 days.  
She left a week and a half ago for Beacon Hills and he should have gone with her; but he just couldn't.  
He **couldn't** go back.  
He _wouldn't_.  
But now he has to.  
It's been too long and something is wrong. He has to find her.  
After 4 days of panicking, he has to go and make sure she's alright.  
She's all he has.  
The closer he gets to California the worse he feels, and his worst fears are confirmed when he finally finds Laura, her body mutilated in the woods.  
Killed by Argents.  
Cut in half and staring blindly.  
And this, this is his fault too.  
He should have been here to protect her, even though she said she'd be back soon, that he needn't come with her.  
He was terrified to come back here.  
Too afraid to face the past.  
He was selfish and cowardly and now his sister is dead.

That night he sits in the burned husk of his old home, cursing himself and in ball crying just like all those years before.  
Except this time, there's no one left to hear him.  
Just ashes.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if I broke your heart as well as my own.
> 
> Let me know if you cried too!
> 
> I'm working on a Stiles Timeline version like this one as well.


End file.
